My hubby and I went on a hike this week, a long one, which meant lots of uninterrupted time to talk. On that hike I thanked him for all he had done the previous week to help with the kids when my week was demanding at work, like he even did practice spelling tests and mock oral presentations with the kids! Maybe you got it all covered and don’t need your man’s support or help at home, but for us, the juggling act seems to be getting more and more balls added to it as the kids grow and go off to different activities. Things change over time and we need to make adjustments to our flow, our team, to stay ahead of it. Real life is going on, school drop off and picks ups, homework, extracurricular activities, studying, helping in the class, work, organizing the home, marriage groups, youth groups, clearing out kids drawers, fundraisers and the list goes on, you get it. It’s such a sweet season, but there’s a lot of orchestrating going on by the ‘coordinator’ of it all, so plan well and include your man, because believe it or not he wants to be a part of it! I hear women talk about it, how they do it all around the house, handle the kids’ academics, manage the bills etc. and what it would mean to them if their man would help out and understand how much they have on their plate.
I say this because in our conversation on our hike he was saying how of course he would help out, we’re a team. I told him that I think some women would say that their man doesn’t want to help out with kids school work, dishes etc. but his perspective quickly enlightened me to see it in a different light. I love hearing his point of view because I remember how quickly I can see through my narrow lens without seeing the other side. He said, “Tell me how a man wants to be perceived at work, on the field coaching, playing, or even in his circle.” His response got my wheels turning and made me remember that yes, most men desire to be leaders, strong, knowledgeable, and involved in the team. They love to be taken care of too of course, but in their home if they’re never given the opportunity to be needed, lead or step in, maybe they don’t know how to fit in or help out. We can just take over and handle it all ladies, I know I’m guilty of it because when he’s gone for days or weeks at a time it’s what I do. But I need to remember that I don’t want to step on his ‘air hose’ and deflate him by taking over and not letting him add to our pieces of the puzzle. Your man just might be desiring to step in, but maybe he assumes he will do it with inadequacy because of your former responses, maybe he would rather avoid it rather than being critiqued. Everyone’s dynamic is different and this may not apply to you, but I guarantee there are some amazing men out there that want to help you out ladies, let him in. Talk about it, communicate what would help you both out, for the good of the team. Establish your roles if that’s what needs to be done. As I say, the distance doesn’t happen over night, walls get built when these little bricks build up and don’t get talked about. Let him in, stop deflating him if that’s you, and get on the same team for the sake of your marriage and what your kids witness. Communication means, the transfer of information. Communicate and involve your man, he will be flattered that you do.
I never mean for this to be a downer on the wives, you do so much and you’re amazing at what you do! But I know for me personally sometimes I don’t stop to see it from his perspective and I need to. I enjoy having a weekly focus and a new way to better myself and my marriage, so here it is. Make it grow!